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पतझड़

टहनी पर लहराते हुए तुम काफी रंगीन लग रहे हो कुछ हरा जीवन का कुछ काला है ईर्ष्या का कोनों पर कुछ भूरा बदलाव का और कोनों पर ही भूरा उदासी का हरा उस अतीत के लिए जो तुम्हारा था ईर्ष्या टहनियों पर तुमसे हरे पत्तों के लिए उदासी आने वाले विरह के लिए उदासी ज़मीन पर गिरे दोस्तों के लिए मगर सच बोलो, एक ही टहनी पर रहकर कुछ तोह ऊब गए होगे तुम और नहीं भी ऊबे हो कुछ नया करने में क्या हर्ज़ है इस हवा पर भरोसा रखना यह तुम्हे नए नज़ारे दिखाएगी कुछ परिंदों सा आसमान में उड़ाएगी कुछ हम इंसानों सा ज़मीन पर दौड़ाएगी जब तुम्हे कोई नज़ारा भा जाए हवा को वहीँ थमने को बोल देना किसी नये पेड़ से लिपटकर गाना फिर और भी रंगीन हो जाना

Untitled

My captives, they are very generous, Whenever I've asked for freedom, They have always agreed, And increased the size of my cage.

शीर्षकहीन

एक पेड़ खिड़की से दिखता था मचलता झूलता हमेशा नज़र आता था पर बाहर जब भी मैं जाता था शांत होकर खड़ा हो जाता था वापिस अंदर आने पर मेरे फिर अपना नाच शुरू कर देता था ये सिलसिला काफी दिन चला और थमने का नाम नहीं लिया एक दिन मैंने खिड़की तोड़ दी और फिर कभी बाहर नहीं देखा

The Swing by the Sea

By the sea I was standing by the swing As you came by and sat I stepped back Pulled the swing And let it loose Slowly you opened your wings And everytime the swing came back Your warm wings crashed on me I never saw your face I knew your mind was empty I knew you stared at the horizon Just as I thought The wings would only trace this pendulum You flew towards the setting sun Do you know how to swim? Do you know there's no island in sight? Do you know it will be dark soon? Or that Even if you change your mind You might be too tired to return Or did you fly away Only because you knew this all Another day I would have come with you But I just looked down And kept swinging the swing I'm not your sea I'm not your horizon But I will be here Your shore

७४९५ मील / 7495 miles

कल जब तुमने पुछा मुझसे  की मैं कैसा हूँ  मैंने कहा दिया  की मैं ठीक हूँ  जब तुमसे मैं कभी  गलती से यही पूछ लूँ  कह देना तुम भी बस इतना ही  की तुम ठीक हो  मत बढ़ाना गहराइयाँ मेरी ज़िन्दगी की  मैं सतह पर ही ठीक हूँ  मत देना पंख ऊंचाइयां छूने को  मैं ज़मीन पर ही ठीक हूँ  सतरंगी सपने जो ज़िन्दगी की तख्ती पर लिखे थे  उन्हें मिटाकर उसी धूल से  एक नया चाक बनाकर  अपने बीच कुछ रेखाएं खींच लेते हैं  क्योंकि तुम जहाँ हो, वहां रात है  और जो तुम्हारे यहाँ गुज़र चुका  मैं वही दिन हूँ  इधर बस सुबह होने वाली है 

सेंट्रल पार्क - १

आज देखा छातों  का एक खेल निराला कुछ शैतानी भरा कुछ भोला भला एक लड़का और एक लड़की अपने अपने छातों के नीचे कुछ पुराने अफ़साने याद करते बैठे हस खेल रहे थे एक और लड़का लड़की कल तक थे जिनके छाते शायद अलग आज उनकी तकदीर के साथ छाते भी एक थे एक कोने में जब पड़ी नज़र पाये दो लोग छाते से छुपे हुए ना जाने कौनसी चाहतें रिम झिम पूरी कर रह थे कुछ ऐसे भी थे कमाल जो छाते को अलग रख कर खुद ही भीगे भीगे बारिश को चख रहे थे एक छाता कहीं एकेला भी रखा था ना जाने उससे कोई छोड़ गया या फिर खुद ही आज़ाद होकर हवा के साथ उड़ा था चला आया अब जो तुम पूछो हमसे गर की हमारा वहां क्या काम था हम मुस्कुरा कर बता देंगे सच वहां छाते कौन बेच रहा था

फिर वही

याद है मझे बारिश बनकर तुम पहले भी आई थी हर साल नहीं हर मौसम नहीं पर कभी तोह आई थी इस बार भी शायद तुम आओगी पर तुम नहीं  जानती जाना मुझे दूर है रुकना तुम्हारा भी कहाँ दस्तूर है इसलिए सोचता हूँ थोड़ा डरता हूँ दरवाज़े ढाल दूँ खिदिकियां भी बंद कर लूँ मगर फितरत तो मेरी उस हवा जैसी है जो बिन कहे बिन पूछे दरवाज़े खिड़कियां तोड़ देती है तुम फिर बरस जाना मैं फिर भीग जाऊंगा

IRENE

A candle That spoke in your voice Ignited our room every night By the distance of our distance As sweat fuelled the candle The flame became a fire And we became shadows Dancing on the walls We removed our black stars And put out every white one In the sky Until it was dark A grey wax drop Now speaks in your absence Douses that room every day By the distance of our distance

Scribbling Day, DCE COE Class of '13

How many more treats you want me to finance ? The one true multi talented broddaaa!!!! Hillarious person. Loved ur spirit of fighting tension. Extremely energetic & imaginative. - A* A great mentor! - U* Hum aapke deewane hain, aap hamare dil me baste hain!! Anant se bhi aage - D* Loves Puzzles - A* Good guy, helpful, me__ful coder - P* Solutions after class :P - A* I Love You - S* The one whose laugh can be heard from miles AAC - Chand chupa badal main The Anant - That's It! - U* My first quizzing teammate in college. You're the puzzle man from what I've heard now. You (resonate of) will always be remembered. All the best - A* Black Blud! I know time changed our friendship but you are the first guy I made friend in DCE. You and a* look cute together. Be happy and keep her happy. - K* We came to college together first day. Then we became colleagues :P. The most hardworking and responsible person and a good friend. Stay like this always au

Scribbling Day, Class of DPS Dwarka '09

Hey Anant!! We've been together since 2 yrs... But I think I got to know you only just few days back(28th Jan '09) You are a very nice person. Enjoy life. You'll not get a second chance to enjoy these moments. All the best for life.. Lots of luv I'll not tell u my name Guess?? From Vikas Puri to Dwarka Will always 'basanti chola' - R* Hey Anna, I'll never forget u As u r one of the most influential person i've met. I hope that my sms was not read by ur dad - K* Dear Anant, We've been together since 5th and we have had great time, laughing our hearts out loud. (refer to 7th class) Keep laughing always. All the best Take care Oye.. Ye toh ud raha hai!! :p Infinite is your potential... in everything that u do.... Will really miss u... -Y* Yo Anant, Thanks for befriending an ass like me. You've taught me so much of life. Wish you succeed in life. - P* Hey Anant Yaar we spent a lot of yea

Again And More

Love You thorn my heart Thorn it a thousand times over I love you still Every thorn that you lunge To the walls of this heart I carefully wreathe I tell myself Each shall one day Bloom a rose Even if it doesn't The hope breeds Reason enough to live, wait. Precariously on these clouds Of hope and fear High above this world I stand Looking, waiting for you to come Take me away And fly away now and forever Else Like always Fall This rushing wind Blows in my direction I can feel it And I know it's you But lost I remain If it's coming to embrace me Or running past, away from me. Anyway I will fornever forget As this wind, you touched me. And it felt like eternity. Love Again and more Forever and ever more

Again And No More

You are the silhouette Of long lost happiness Over the dark backdrop of sadness Without you The silence is never silent Disturbed by the shrieks Of my forlorn heart For you It's been long since I have been held captive By darkness. By you. I have waited long Now I must run And unshackle myself From the dark alleys Of my own arrested mind Not to you But away From you Far away But as I run Won't the wind That blows in your direction Remind me of you Anyway That's how the fickle wind blows Laughing at you as you run From everything The birds of twilight Of which you are one Always deceive me And fly into the darkness Leaving me behind My dreams incomplete I wanted to fly But you never took me along Love Again and no more Never again and never more Love

Story Of A Tear

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Somewhere in the distant past, Along with a dream my friend envisaged, I was born. All the while, he always knew A bubble the dream was, A fallacy the faith was, But a hand to hold, he sorely missed And grab anything he would. So he did. Later, one day, The bubble burst, so The fallacy dawned. Numb He treaded deserted boulevards Searched frantically for his shadow In the darkness. And finally when Looked his image In the tumultuous waters. He realised the vacuous truth. All this while Grief from his heart I shrivelled up inside me No pains should come To my friend. With nothing left He turns to me Who would have happily Sacrificed his life much earlier If he had listened. But not meant to be. When I knock on his eyes He resists Not giving the vent To the pent-up melancholy. Before he can rethink. One of me jumps out. Then to show We are one and we dont Betray trust All of us pour out From the Blackened clouds of Painful suffocating memor

Life In Black

Miss.Missing.Missed. Forget.Forgetting.Forgotten. Feel.Feeling.Felt. Think.Thinking.Thought. Dream.Dreaming.Dreamt. Question.Questioning.Questioned. Know.Knowing.Known. Break.Breaking.Broken. Silence.Silencing.Silenced. Walk.Walking.Standing. Laugh.Laughing.Crying. Know.Knowing.Nothing. Think.Thinking.Chaos. Feel.Feeling.Numb. Try.Trying.Tried. Live...Couldnt...Cant... (Without You) PS - I wrote this post a rejection, back in the first semester of college.

Happy Happy

I'm sitting at the airport right now. There's a plane sleeping in front of me. A few are awake though, and can be seen on the runway every once in a while. I received my first admit yesterday. I was playing a chess rematch with someone whom I had defeated. In between, something told me that I should check my Gmail. When I did, I found the acceptance mail. New York, I am coming. But before that, I am coming to Delhi. In a few hours. For a few days. Jeete hain chal

All Said And Unsaid

Against myself, I stand on this crossroads, Reflecting, how deprived of all the colours, This canvas of life I had set out to paint, A cruel joke seemingly but actually perfect, Emptiness, darkness, black, epitomises me, my life. A victim of my own choices and lies, Strangled by my own thoughts, An endless wait, endless dreams, endless expectations, What wrong did I do to be wronged? Forced by life to dance to its music, Didn't learn, so am here, nothing more than a puppet, Today tempts me to think I had learned. The strings controlling me lie, In a place far away where my sight fails me, After all, who is god, not me? A sole friend of my sadness, I am. Each day, I sleep hoping the sleep would be death, But still wake up to the same dark sheet of despair. How wrong I have always been, always, From seeing the world being behind my eyes, To dreaming the promise that was never made ...meant. Should I drown in the depths of hollowness? Or swim in the emptiness

Everything Ends

Everyday I wake up to find voices crying out loud, All around I look, then realize, That's it's me who is fighting within. Even though happiness is everywhere, Still the hues continue to elude me, Staring deep into the eyes of reality, darkness is what i see. All those memories and good times, Like shadows were always with me, But with light went the shadows, and With the shadows, the merry moments. With tears for my broken dreams, Whose pain with no one I can share, Secluded within walls I live, Strange these dreams are, Not a sound they make on breaking, But finish your spirit from the inside, everything ends... I have befriended many in my life, And even deserted some of them, Indifferent I may seem to a few, But what goes on inside is known only to me, Compromises at every corner of life, we are forced to make, Not always we get, what we want, everything ends... With regrets deep embedded into our hearts, Each one of us lives within our own worlds

Lost In The Maze

My existence fades away, I have forgotten where I lay, My past in front of my eyes flickers, And my future with itself bickers. Ask time, he knows, Since when in this maze I have been trapped, Again and again to this stone red, By everyone, I have been whacked. Sometimes, those sweet old memories do twinkle, But my present blocks it completely, Infinite times, this life I have tried to read, But, its words every time successfully camouflage themselves. Overhead the death-clouds blow The pace of this life is unbearably slow. In my whole path, only did insurmountable challenges did God suffuse, But can I forever about this fact muse? PS - This too, I wrote in school, in 10th most probably.

Scars Indelible

Many things in life leave scars indelible, Which rest within you for the rest of your times. To keep them as shadows, it's better, So as to enjoy, when nowhere are to be seen the happiness chimes. Tides will come, tides will recede, As no one governs their ways. The star fishes once brought to the shore will always remain where they are, Till the swords of time make them char. Winds of joys and sorrows will keep swaying, The branches of trees will keep playing, The rains will change deserts to oceans, And if they want, oceans to deserts. No matter how hard you try, A mountain you will never be able to shake. Some things are beyond your control, Life will always your beloved things take. What will never end is your wait, You will always be late. Even a rainbow which is colorful is curved, Why do you expect your life to be straight? PS - I wrote this in school.

Last Days - II

Last Day of School life Now school had so many last days - 1st last day, 2nd last day, farewell, Pre-board result day, Scribbling day and I don't remember them as well as I used to. But the real last day was the last board exam. During the exam days, I would board the metro for a few stations, even though I could take a rickshaw which would make me reach home faster, so that I could get to talk to my friends. My best friend didn't want me to get down at my station that day. He insisted that I come along for a few more stations. I told him if he really wanted that, I'd do so. He just needed to repeat it once more. Being the innocent boy that he was, he didn't say a word more and let me get down since we had to prepare for the impending IIT entrance exams. In between this, I managed to catch a glimpse of her for one last time. I knew I would not see her again. I said bye to my friends as I got down. I wanted her to see me once more. I did. After de-boarding,

Last Days - I

Last Day at my First School It was 23rd April, 2001. My mum was there to pick me up at the bus stop like everyday. While walking back home, she told me that DPS Dwarka had called earlier in the day and had selected me after the written test. Only 4 were selected from the 150 who wrote the admission test. I had no qualms leaving my old school. The reason I was so excited to join DPS Dwarka was that my best friend had left St Marks a year back, stayed in London for 6 months, where his father had been transferred, and joined DPS Dwarka after he came back. I wanted to get back with him. It's another story that I found other friends and that we never reached the level of friendship we had earlier. Coincidently, a friend of mine had his birthday that day and he had invited me. Being the unsocial kid that I was. I did not have many friends in school whom I would miss but there was this one friend who I really wanted to meet one last time. I was very sure that she would come for the

My Prayer for 2016

Kehta yeh pal Khud se nikal Jeete hain chal Jeete hain chal This moment is saying Come out of yourself Come out by yourself Let's live Let's live https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n66IvJVs1eY

UNTITLED VI

I always knew She would leave I decided I would then write How she stole My days, my nights But She was such a thief When she left She took my notebook

2015 - Mann Kasturi Re - Part V

Anonymous 4 You know that feeling when life* makes you stop for a second, and asks you, "So... what's new? What progress have you made since the last time we talked?" Sometimes you have an answer, which you can throw back at life with a lot of pride. Other times you don't, and then you stand there ashamed of yourself with your head lowered. That shame usually motivates me to get something new going in my life.  Life asked me this question about a year ago, as 2014 was coming to a close, and I didn't have an answer; I had been complacent where I was for quite a while. Unsure of what new to get going, I went with an extremely strange decision - I got a new credit card. Quite stupid and pointless in retrospect. Not sure what I was expecting out of it. Fortunately though, 2015 has been a little more interesting than that pointless end to 2014. 2015 made me realize that I am a happy, but a very unsatisfied and restless person. I realized this because my subcons

Happy New Cards

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Another house of cards, I will make for myself I hope you too will dream And make one for yourself When the wind blows it away Which it will I hope you will forget your sadness For a moment and Relish the beauty Of how the carefully arranged cards Fall When they are scattered I hope that you have the courage To dream to Make one more.

2015 - Mann Kasturi Re - Part IV

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Anonymous 3 Two days back as Anant reminded me about the year review blog, I thought I am not going to do it this year. There hasn't been anything new this year and nothing exciting to tell. He then reminded me that it is about sharing experiences and lessons learned, about new and old dreams overcoming fears. I listened to that and the exact response in my head was ' meh '. Now comes the next day, and my manager tells me that I would be moving to a report to someone else. At that moment I was like, this is it "I am not going to write the review, and I am definitely going to leave this company. He wants me to move to a different manager, I will show him how different I can get. But, most importantly I am not going to write the year-end review. Now today is the last day of this year, it is  9:40 a.m.  as of this moment and here I am writing this. I guess I will just have to move to a different company now so that I am not a complete liar. Or else my pants will be on

2015 - Mann Kasturi Re - Part III

Anonymous 2 One. Year. Without. Porn. Well, what an unusual way to begin reflecting over the year past. But anonymity will get the better of most men, or so I would like to believe, and I am no different. As I sit on this Christmas eve, thinking over the various strands going on in my head, with  Ain’t No Love in the Heart of the City  playing on my earphones, I must go back to the previous Christmas eve. Admittedly, beginning a confessional with a discussion of one’s thoughts on porn wouldn’t count as too impressive, but I hope that impression changes by the time you reach the end of this. Humans have various phases in their lives. The period from teenage to the time you reach thirty are your make or break years. Not only are we full of energy, responsive to new ideas and adequately equipped, physically and emotionally, to delve into those ideas and come up with something of our own, but also these periods groom us into who we are. Our personality emerges in this ti