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पतझड़

टहनी पर लहराते हुए
तुम काफी रंगीन लग रहे हो

कुछ हरा जीवन का
कुछ काला है ईर्ष्या का
कोनों पर कुछ भूरा बदलाव का
और कोनों पर ही भूरा उदासी का

हरा उस अतीत के लिए जो तुम्हारा था
ईर्ष्या टहनियों पर तुमसे हरे पत्तों के लिए
उदासी आने वाले विरह के लिए
उदासी ज़मीन पर गिरे दोस्तों के लिए

मगर सच बोलो, एक ही टहनी पर रहकर
कुछ तोह ऊब गए होगे तुम
और नहीं भी ऊबे हो
कुछ नया करने में क्या हर्ज़ है

इस हवा पर भरोसा रखना
यह तुम्हे नए नज़ारे दिखाएगी
कुछ परिंदों सा आसमान में उड़ाएगी
कुछ हम इंसानों सा ज़मीन पर दौड़ाएगी

जब तुम्हे कोई नज़ारा भा जाए
हवा को वहीँ थमने को बोल देना
किसी नये पेड़ से लिपटकर गाना
फिर और भी रंगीन हो जाना

Untitled

My captives, they are very generous,Whenever I've asked for freedom,They have always agreed,And increased the size of my cage.

शीर्षकहीन

एक पेड़ खिड़की से दिखता था
मचलता झूलता हमेशा नज़र आता था

पर बाहर जब भी मैं जाता था
शांत होकर खड़ा हो जाता था

वापिस अंदर आने पर मेरे
फिर अपना नाच शुरू कर देता था

ये सिलसिला काफी दिन चला
और थमने का नाम नहीं लिया

एक दिन मैंने खिड़की तोड़ दी
और फिर कभी बाहर नहीं देखा

The Swing by the Sea

By the sea
I was standing by the swing
As you came by and sat

I stepped back
Pulled the swing
And let it loose

Slowly you opened your wings
And everytime the swing came back
Your warm wings crashed on me

I never saw your face
I knew your mind was empty
I knew you stared at the horizon

Just as I thought
The wings would only trace this pendulum
You flew towards the setting sun

Do you know how to swim?
Do you know there's no island in sight?
Do you know it will be dark soon?

Or that
Even if you change your mind
You might be too tired to return

Or did you fly away
Only because you knew this all

Another day
I would have come with you
But I just looked down
And kept swinging the swing

I'm not your sea
I'm not your horizon
But I will be here
Your shore

७४९५ मील / 7495 miles

कल जब तुमने पुछा मुझसे  की मैं कैसा हूँ  मैंने कहा दिया  की मैं ठीक हूँ 
जब तुमसे मैं कभी  गलती से यही पूछ लूँ  कह देना तुम भी बस इतना ही  की तुम ठीक हो 
मत बढ़ाना गहराइयाँ मेरी ज़िन्दगी की  मैं सतह पर ही ठीक हूँ  मत देना पंख ऊंचाइयां छूने को  मैं ज़मीन पर ही ठीक हूँ 
सतरंगी सपने जो ज़िन्दगी की तख्ती पर लिखे थे  उन्हें मिटाकर उसी धूल से  एक नया चाक बनाकर  अपने बीच कुछ रेखाएं खींच लेते हैं 
क्योंकि तुम जहाँ हो, वहां रात है  और जो तुम्हारे यहाँ गुज़र चुका  मैं वही दिन हूँ  इधर बस सुबह होने वाली है

सेंट्रल पार्क - १

आज देखा छातों  का
एक खेल निराला
कुछ शैतानी भरा
कुछ भोला भला

एक लड़का और एक लड़की
अपने अपने छातों के नीचे
कुछ पुराने अफ़साने याद करते
बैठे हस खेल रहे थे

एक और लड़का लड़की
कल तक थे जिनके छाते शायद अलग
आज उनकी तकदीर के साथ
छाते भी एक थे

एक कोने में जब पड़ी नज़र
पाये दो लोग छाते से छुपे हुए
ना जाने कौनसी चाहतें
रिम झिम पूरी कर रह थे

कुछ ऐसे भी थे कमाल
जो छाते को अलग रख कर
खुद ही भीगे भीगे
बारिश को चख रहे थे

एक छाता कहीं एकेला भी रखा था
ना जाने उससे कोई छोड़ गया
या फिर खुद ही आज़ाद होकर
हवा के साथ उड़ा था चला आया

अब जो तुम पूछो हमसे गर
की हमारा वहां क्या काम था
हम मुस्कुरा कर बता देंगे सच
वहां छाते कौन बेच रहा था

फिर वही

याद है मझे
बारिश बनकर तुम पहले भी आई थी
हर साल नहीं हर मौसम नहीं
पर कभी तोह आई थी

इस बार भी शायद तुम आओगी
पर तुम नहीं  जानती
जाना मुझे दूर है
रुकना तुम्हारा भी कहाँ दस्तूर है

इसलिए सोचता हूँ
थोड़ा डरता हूँ
दरवाज़े ढाल दूँ
खिदिकियां भी बंद कर लूँ

मगर फितरत तो मेरी
उस हवा जैसी है
जो बिन कहे बिन पूछे
दरवाज़े खिड़कियां तोड़ देती है

तुम फिर बरस जाना
मैं फिर भीग जाऊंगा

IRENE

A candle
That spoke in your voice
Ignited our room every night
By the distance of our distance

As sweat fuelled the candle
The flame became a fire
And we became shadows
Dancing on the walls

We removed our black stars
And put out every white one
In the sky
Until it was dark

A grey wax drop
Now speaks in your absence
Douses that room every day
By the distance of our distance

Scribbling Day, DCE COE Class of '13

How many more treats you want me to finance ?

The one true multi talented broddaaa!!!!

Hillarious person. Loved ur spirit of fighting tension.

Extremely energetic & imaginative. - A*

A great mentor! - U*

Hum aapke deewane hain, aap hamare dil me baste hain!!

Anant se bhi aage - D*

Loves Puzzles - A*

Good guy, helpful, me__ful coder - P*

Solutions after class :P - A*

I Love You - S*

The one whose laugh can be heard from miles

AAC - Chand chupa badal main

The Anant - That's It! - U*

My first quizzing teammate in college. You're the puzzle man from what I've heard now. You (resonate of) will always be remembered. All the best - A*

Black Blud! I know time changed our friendship but you are the first guy I made friend in DCE. You and a* look cute together. Be happy and keep her happy. - K*

We came to college together first day. Then we became colleagues :P. The most hardworking and responsible person and a good friend. Stay like this always aur thoda romantic hoja. "Si…

Scribbling Day, Class of DPS Dwarka '09

Hey Anant!!
We've been together since 2 yrs... But I think I got to know you only just few days back(28th Jan '09) You are a very nice person. Enjoy life. You'll not get a second chance to enjoy these moments. All the best for life.. Lots of luv I'll not tell u my name Guess??
From Vikas Puri to Dwarka Will always 'basanti chola' - R*
Hey Anna, I'll never forget u As u r one of the most influential person i've met. I hope that my sms was not read by ur dad - K*
Dear Anant, We've been together since 5th and we have had great time, laughing our hearts out loud. (refer to 7th class) Keep laughing always. All the best Take care
Oye.. Ye toh ud raha hai!! :p Infinite is your potential... in everything that u do.... Will really miss u... -Y*
Yo Anant, Thanks for befriending an ass like me. You've taught me so much of life. Wish you succeed in life. - P*
Hey Anant Yaar we spent a lot of years 2gether and I found u as one of the most different person I&…

Again And More

Love

You thorn my heart
Thorn it a thousand times over
I love you still

Every thorn that you lunge
To the walls of this heart
I carefully wreathe

I tell myself
Each shall one day
Bloom a rose
Even if it doesn't
The hope breeds
Reason enough to live, wait.

Precariously on these clouds
Of hope and fear
High above this world
I stand
Looking, waiting for you to come
Take me away
And fly away now and forever

Else
Like always
Fall

This rushing wind
Blows in my direction
I can feel it
And I know its you
But lost I remain
If it's coming to embrace me
Or running past, away from me.

Anyway
I will fornever forget
As this wind, you touched me.
And it felt like eternity.

Love
Again and more
Forever and ever more

Again And No More

You are the silhouette
Of long lost happiness
Over the dark backdrop of sadness

Without you
The silence is never silent
Disturbed by the shrieks
Of my forlorn heart
For you

It's been long since
I have been held captive
By darkness. By you.

I have waited long
Now I must run
And unshackle myself
From the dark alleys
Of my own arrested mind

Not to you
But away
From you
Far away

But as I run
Won't the wind
That blows in your direction
Remind me of you
Anyway
That's how the fickle wind blows
Laughing at you as you run
From everything

The birds of twilight
Of which you are one
Always deceive me
And fly into the darkness
Leaving me behind
My dreams incomplete

I wanted to fly
But you never took me along

Love
Again and no more
Never again and never more
Love

Story Of A Tear

Image
Somewhere in the distant past,
Along with a dream my friend envisaged,
I was born.
All the while, he always knew
A bubble the dream was,
A fallacy the faith was,
But a hand to hold, he sorely missed
And grab anything he would.
So he did.

Later, one day,
The bubble burst, so
The fallacy dawned.

Numb
He treaded deserted boulevards
Searched frantically for his shadow
In the darkness.
And finally when
Looked his image
In the tumultuous waters.
He realised the vacuous truth.

All this while
Grief from his heart
I shrivelled up inside me
No pains should come
To my friend.

With nothing left
He turns to me
Who would have happily
Sacrificed his life much earlier
If he had listened.
But not meant to be.

When I knock on his eyes
He resists
Not giving the vent
To the pent-up melancholy.
Before he can rethink.
One of me jumps out.
Then to show
We are one and we dont
Betray trust
All of us pour out
From the
Blackened clouds of
Painful suffocating memories and
Heaviness of carrying an empty life.
Wi…

Life In Black

Miss.Missing.Missed.
Forget.Forgetting.Forgotten.

Feel.Feeling.Felt.
Think.Thinking.Thought.
Dream.Dreaming.Dreamt.
Question.Questioning.Questioned.
Know.Knowing.Known.

Break.Breaking.Broken.
Silence.Silencing.Silenced.

Walk.Walking.Standing.
Laugh.Laughing.Crying.
Know.Knowing.Nothing.
Think.Thinking.Chaos.
Feel.Feeling.Numb.

Try.Trying.Tried.
Live...Couldnt...Cant...
(Without You)

PS - I wrote this post a rejection, back in the first semester of college.

Happy Happy

I'm sitting at the airport right now.
There's a plane sleeping in front of me.
A few are awake though, and can be seen on the runway every once in a while.


I received my first admit yesterday.
I was playing a chess rematch with someone whom I had defeated. In between, something told me that I should check my Gmail. When I did, I found the acceptance mail.

New York, I am coming.
But before that, I am coming to Delhi. In a few hours. For a few days.

Jeete hain chal

All Said And Unsaid

Against myself, I stand on this crossroads,
Reflecting, how deprived of all the colours,
This canvas of life I had set out to paint,
A cruel joke seemingly but actually perfect,
Emptiness, darkness, black, epitomises me, my life.

A victim of my own choices and lies,
Strangled by my own thoughts,
An endless wait, endless dreams, endless expectations,
What wrong did I do to be wronged?
Forced by life to dance to its music,
Didn't learn, so am here, nothing more than a puppet,
Today tempts me to think I had learned.
The strings controlling me lie,
In a place far away where my sight fails me,
After all, who is god, not me?

A sole friend of my sadness, I am.
Each day, I sleep hoping the sleep would be death,
But still wake up to the same dark sheet of despair.
How wrong I have always been, always,
From seeing the world being behind my eyes,
To dreaming the promise that was never made ...meant.

Should I drown in the depths of hollowness?
Or swim in the emptiness of the void,
To know my…

Everything Ends

Everyday I wake up to find voices crying out loud,
All around I look, then realize,
That's it's me who is fighting within.
Even though happiness is everywhere,
Still the hues continue to elude me,
Staring deep into the eyes of reality, darkness is what i see.

All those memories and good times,
Like shadows were always with me,
But with light went the shadows, and
With the shadows, the merry moments.
With tears for my broken dreams,
Whose pain with no one I can share,
Secluded within walls I live,
Strange these dreams are,
Not a sound they make on breaking,
But finish your spirit from the inside, everything ends...

I have befriended many in my life,
And even deserted some of them,
Indifferent I may seem to a few,
But what goes on inside is known only to me,
Compromises at every corner of life, we are forced to make,
Not always we get, what we want, everything ends...

With regrets deep embedded into our hearts,
Each one of us lives within our own worlds,
Conscience and guilt, r…

Lost In The Maze

My existence fades away,
I have forgotten where I lay,
My past in front of my eyes flickers,
And my future with itself bickers.

Ask time, he knows,
Since when in this maze I have been trapped,
Again and again to this stone red,
By everyone, I have been whacked.

Sometimes, those sweet old memories do twinkle,
But my present blocks it completely,
Infinite times, this life I have tried to read,
But, its words every time successfully camouflage themselves.

Overhead the death-clouds blow
The pace of this life is unbearably slow.
In my whole path, only did insurmountable challenges did God suffuse,
But can I forever about this fact muse?

PS - This too, I wrote in school, in 10th most probably.

Scars Indelible

Many things in life leave scars indelible, Which rest within you for the rest of your times. To keep them as shadows, it's better, So as to enjoy, when nowhere are to be seen the happiness chimes.
Tides will come, tides will recede, As no one governs their ways. The star fishes once brought to the shore will always remain where they are, Till the swords of time make them char.
Winds of joys and sorrows will keep swaying, The branches of trees will keep playing, The rains will change deserts to oceans, And if they want, oceans to deserts.
No matter how hard you try, A mountain you will never be able to shake. Some things are beyond your control, Life will always your beloved things take.
What will never end is your wait, You will always be late. Even a rainbow which is colorful is curved, Why do you expect your life to be straight?
PS - I wrote this in school.

Last Days - II

Last Day of School life

Now school had so many last days - 1st last day, 2nd last day, farewell, Pre-board result day, Scribbling day and I don't remember them as well as I used to. But the real last day was the last board exam.

During the exam days, I would board the metro for a few stations, even though I could take a rickshaw which would make me reach home faster, so that I could get to talk to my friends. My best friend didn't want me to get down at my station that day. He insisted that I come along for a few more stations. I told him if he really wanted that, I'd do so. He just needed to repeat it once more. Being the innocent boy that he was, he didn't say a word more and let me get down since we had to prepare for the impending IIT entrance exams.

In between this, I managed to catch a glimpse of her for one last time. I knew I would not see her again. I said bye to my friends as I got down.

I wanted her to see me once more.
I did.

After de-boarding, I starting w…

Last Days - I

Last Day at my First School

It was 23rd April, 2001. My mum was there to pick me up at the bus stop like everyday. While walking back home, she told me that DPS Dwarka had called earlier in the day and had selected me after the written test. Only 4 were selected from the 150 who wrote the admission test.

I had no qualms leaving my old school. The reason I was so excited to join DPS Dwarka was that my best friend had left St Marks a year back, stayed in London for 6 months, where his father had been transferred, and joined DPS Dwarka after he came back. I wanted to get back with him. It's another story that I found other friends and that we never reached the level of friendship we had earlier.

Coincidently, a friend of mine had his birthday that day and he had invited me. Being the unsocial kid that I was. I did not have many friends in school whom I would miss but there was this one friend who I really wanted to meet one last time. I was very sure that she would come for the birth…

My Prayer for 2016

Kehta yeh pal
Khud se nikal
Jeete hain chal
Jeete hain chal

This moment is saying
Come out of yourself
Come out by yourself
Let's live
Let's live

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n66IvJVs1eY

UNTITLED VI

I always knew
She would leave

I decided
I would then write
How she stole
My days, my nights

But

She was such a thief
When she left
She took my notebook

2015 - Mann Kasturi Re - Part V

Anonymous 4

You know that feeling when life* makes you stop for a second, and asks you, "So... what's new? What progress have you made since the last time we talked?" Sometimes you have an answer, which you can throw back at life with a lot of pride. Other times you don't, and then you stand there ashamed of yourself with your head lowered. That shame usually motivates me to get something new going in my life. 


Life asked me this question about a year ago, as 2014 was coming to a close, and I didn't have an answer; I had been complacent where I was for quite a while. Unsure of what new to get going, I went with an extremely strange decision - I got a new credit card. Quite stupid and pointless in retrospect. Not sure what I was expecting out of it. Fortunately though, 2015 has been a little more interesting than that pointless end to 2014. 2015 made me realize that I am a happy, but a very unsatisfied and restless person. I realized this because my subconscious be…

Happy New Cards

Image
Another house of cards,
I will make for myself
I hope you too will dream
And make one for yourself

When the wind blows it away
Which it will
I hope you will forget your sadness
For a moment and
Relish the beauty
Of how the carefully arranged cards
Fall

When they are scattered
I hope that you have the courage
To dream to
Make one more.



2015 - Mann Kasturi Re - Part IV

Image
Anonymous 3

Two days back as Anant reminded me about the year review blog, I thought I am not going to do it this year. There hasn't been anything new this year and nothing exciting to tell. He then reminded me that it is about sharing experiences and lessons learned, about new and old dreams overcoming fears. I listened to that and the exact response in my head was 'meh'. Now comes the next day, and my manager tells me that I would be moving to a report to someone else. At that moment I was like, this is it "I am not going to write the review, and I am definitely going to leave this company. He wants me to move to a different manager, I will show him how different I can get. But, most importantly I am not going to write the year-end review. Now today is the last day of this year, it is 9:40 a.m. as of this moment and here I am writing this. I guess I will just have to move to a different company now so that I am not a complete liar. Or else my pants will be on fire be…

2015 - Mann Kasturi Re - Part III

Anonymous 2

One. Year. Without. Porn.
Well, what an unusual way to begin reflecting over the year past. But anonymity will get the better of most men, or so I would like to believe, and I am no different.
As I sit on this Christmas eve, thinking over the various strands going on in my head, with Ain’t No Love in the Heart of the City playing on my earphones, I must go back to the previous Christmas eve.
Admittedly, beginning a confessional with a discussion of one’s thoughts on porn wouldn’t count as too impressive, but I hope that impression changes by the time you reach the end of this.
Humans have various phases in their lives. The period from teenage to the time you reach thirty are your make or break years. Not only are we full of energy, responsive to new ideas and adequately equipped, physically and emotionally, to delve into those ideas and come up with something of our own, but also these periods groom us into who we are. Our personality emerges in this time.
Consequently, our emot…