Showing posts from 2017

कैसे ना करते

जाना तोह कहीं और था
पर उनकी तरफ गीली जो ढलान थी
हम भला कैसे न फिसलते

अकेलेपन की चोट पर
मुस्कराहट का मलहम उन्होंने ऐसे लगाया
हम और घायल कैसे न होते

हर ज़र्रा उनका सच की तस्वीर था
वैसे कभी झूट बोल भी देते
तोह यकीन कैसे ना करते

यूँ तोह जानते हैं की खुदा नहीं
मगर उन्हें पाने के लिए
रोज़ इबादत कैसे ना करते

कभी कुछ जो उन्होंने माँगा नहीं
सारी क़ायनात तोहफा खरीदने को
सर फरोश कैसे ना करते

प्यास जो उन्होंने ऐसी दे दी थी
उससे बुझाते बुझाते ज़माने को
राख कैसे न करते

आदमी खराब तोह हम भी नहीं
उनके दर पर इक़रार जो किया था
वोह दाखिल कैसे ना करते


फिर कहानी अधूरी रह गयी  बात बनते बनते रह गयी 
फिर वास्तविकता समझे थे जिससे
वोह कल्पना बन कर रह गयी

फिर गरजते  कागज़ों की उम्मीद  बरसते बरसते रह गयी 
फिर मुख्य नायिका वोह  किसी और किताब में बनकर रह गयी 
फिर मलाल कैसा, दुःख किस बात का  फुव्वारे में स्याही अनन्त बाकी रह गयी

ऐ दिल

खुद में खोये हुए, क्यों तू चुप्पी साधे बैठा है
छोड़ खेल लुक्का-छुप्पी का, ऐ दिल, बाहर दौड़ कर तोह देख

पतझड़ से कैसा इतराना, वोह तेरे डर से कब रुका है
मौसम वसंत का है, ऐ दिल, कहीं खिल कर तोह देख

मन की ना सुनना, यह ख़ुशी ढूंढ़ना नहीं
बस ग़म से बचना जानता है, ऐ दिल, कहीं लग कर तोह देख

पिछली रेल गाडी माना तेरी, पटरी से उतर गयी
दिल्ली की गलियां दूर नहीं, ऐ दिल, उड़ान लेकर तोह देख

महीने काफी यूँ ही बिता दिए, क्या यह आज़ादी रास आयी
क्या पाया तूने, ऐ दिल, क़ैदी अनन्त हो कर तोह देख

Nana ka khat

Feb 25, 2017

Our dear Anant,

Wish you sound health, happiness and harmony with your friends, co-fellows and American environment. YD Ji and Savita have the knowledge and facilities to use the modern technology and talk to you on telephone daily and feel pleasure. I can not use the smartphone properly. Hence as our promise I am writing this letter on 25th Feb, birthday of Savita, which you also know. I am too late to post this letter, so you need not mind about my laziness. We hope that might be studying well in accordance with our expectations. We are confident that you have to make your mark in life due to firm determination, self-confidence, sincere studies and time management. In this age of IT the world is changing very fast. There is longer competition everywhere. So one has to be very careful for one's professional career.

You have to keep in mind the Upanishdic Udghosh(dictum), which was the main mantra of Swami Vivekanand. 'Arise, Awake and Rest not till the go…

एक नदी

तलाश में था एक नदी की
जब आखरी बार मिली थी
जाने असमंजस में थी
या सब जान चुकी थी

कहती थी न पर्बतों से आयी हूँ
ना सागर में जाउंगी
तिश्नगी चढ़ी है
बादलों से मिटाकर आउंगी

बादलों को छू कर
जाने फिर क्या पी आयी थी
ना किनारों से मिलना था उसे
ना कहीं बहकर जाना था उसे

जब बहने को मानी
कहती सागर से गर मिल भी गयी
तोह वहां न रुक कर
क्षितिज से मिलने जाउंगी

ना जाने कहाँ भटक रही है
पर अब फ़िक्र भी नहीं है
क्योंकि अब समझ गया हूँ
खुद को अनन्त समझ बैठी है

2016, Jeeta Hain Chal - Part V


The year started off on a sad little note. The reminder of a failure and the thought of someone leaving me, The feeling of being alone. The feeling of being destroyed. The feeling of losing control.

It seemed as if this time would never end. And then, I fell in love again. My better half wasn't very happy with it, but she had to adjust. Probably she'll adjust with this all our life together.

My love taught me to stay in control, taught me that being alone is all there is & finally, made me appreciate the things I had, the things I will gain and the thing I should let go of. My love is here to stay with me, forever and ever.

Over the course of the year, I also found a couple of good mentors. I haven't met them yet, hopefully will do so very soon. They've unknowingly been teaching me in their own way and I have been trying to grasp all I can.

The year is ending on a very positive note with my feelings summarized below:
The feeling of being one (& al…

2016, Jeete Hain Chal, Part IV


Bidding farewell to 2016 with a smile on my face. It has been the toughest year of my life. Well, I guess I said the same thing about 2015. Looking at the steeply rising slope, I think I should gear myself up for a tougher 2017 :)

 Before deep diving into the details, I would like to mention quick highlights of my experience of 2016:-
Worked like crazy. Yes with a sense of purpose, which has now got lost somewhere. The superficial purpose is always there of course!
Held on, just to move on and away from some people, both mentally and physically.
Participated in excursions like there’s no tomorrow. Well, two major trips in 6 months count as good enough for me.
Music saved my life yet again. This time I made sure to explore it alone, or whatever came by through random channels. It has become an indispensable part of my life now.
Tough times both in personal & professional lives. Looking back at it, no I don’t feel proud. But I do feel empowered in some sense.
Observed …

2016, Jeete Hain Chal - Part III


Been the toughest year of my life so far. Got screwed at work. Became victim of office politics, messed up everything. Wasn't good in relationship, or even at friendship. Tried hand at online dating with a masked, false persona. Met in real, could've taken it further, but the guilt gave in. Took all the possible wrong decisions. Even contemplated ending everything. But the tough times toughened me. Learnt living frugally, mostly due to the sub-par salary. Went on a few trips, those were good. Met family often, realized their importance. I will never be the same after 2016.


So, the year has come a full circle for me, from New year in Bombay to Christmas in Bombay.

What happened in between? A lot.

The biggest difference I would say was me getting out of my comfort zones a lot more. From
asking out a random stranger in a club to complimenting another (okay the
second one was a dare, but it still counts); from running a half marathon in a
time I would…

2016, Jeete Hain Chal - Part II


I used to believe that mistakes are to be always made. Just that, as you grow you up, you make new, better mistakes. What I found was the good changes or techniques arnt permanent. You quit smoking  , you go back to it. I used to study very smartly for my exams in college, limiting myself to paper pattern and maximizing and directing my efforts according. But yet again, after 4 years, I'm back to square one, reading chapters that won't be asked, later pulling my hair that why I didn't do better. I expect my boy friends to be caring and understanding as i meet new people, but I myself get envious and insecure when new trendy people walk into their lives.
Love wise, I have been satisfied. I remember the moments when I felt alone and useless and it trickled down as frustration to my entire life. Now that I have someone to hold, I am relaxed and hedged. In fact I feel more confident in pissing off people, the friends uplifting me give me a boost to shoot up higher…

2016, Jeete Hain Chal - Part I

Thank you everyone who sent their year-reviews for my blog. It really means a lot to me. This ritual of mine is in the 7th year, and I hope to continue it as long as I'm here.
This year, I too have written my year-review, after a gap of three years. Much was happening in my life during this while, and I found it extremely hard to write here honestly, because the people I'd have wanted to write about are readers of this blog. But I've no such qualms this year.

This is an admittedly gloomy and hurriedly put up post, and I have conveniently missed out all the happy moments that ensued during this year, but please forgive me this one time, as these are the major things that came to my mind when I thought about the year that just went by.


A few years back, I was naive enough to believe that every year of life is supposed to be better than the last. Now I realize that I was just over-fitting with the training data I had. I never imagined t…