2015 - Mann Kasturi Re - Part V

Anonymous 4

You know that feeling when life* makes you stop for a second, and asks you, "So... what's new? What progress have you made since the last time we talked?" Sometimes you have an answer, which you can throw back at life with a lot of pride. Other times you don't, and then you stand there ashamed of yourself with your head lowered. That shame usually motivates me to get something new going in my life. 

Life asked me this question about a year ago, as 2014 was coming to a close, and I didn't have an answer; I had been complacent where I was for quite a while. Unsure of what new to get going, I went with an extremely strange decision - I got a new credit card. Quite stupid and pointless in retrospect. Not sure what I was expecting out of it.
Fortunately though, 2015 has been a little more interesting than that pointless end to 2014. 2015 made me realize that I am a happy, but a very unsatisfied and restless person. I realized this because my subconscious began throwing that question at me much more frequently, and it expected an impressive response every single time. It started questioning my relationships with people, my commitment to things, my idea of happiness, my sense of purpose, and my sense of ethics, among many other things. I had answers to a few of these, but for the most, I still do not. 

I am not sure what has made my mind so restless and unsure this year. That will probably be another year's onus to figure out. For now though, I am reveling in the great things that this perpetual restlessness has brought me. It opened my mind to a lot of new obsessions and long-lost loves - one that's especially worthy of being mentioned is that it has reignited my love for books, and I am exploring more genres than I ever thought I would. It has also motivated me to line up some exciting plans for traveling and learning during the new year (more on those in the 2016's update).

Overall, all the dissatisfaction made 2015 a very curious and exploratory time for me. It pushed me to peek through the curtain hiding the boundless world from me, and has motivated me to step into that vast endlessness, one tiny step at a time. 
Or maybe it's just my quarter life crisis kicking in. Either way, it's been very strange and exciting, and I look forward to more of this.

*The term "life" here is a dramatic representation of my subconscious.


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