All Said And Unsaid
Against myself, I stand on this crossroads,
Reflecting, how deprived of all the colours,
This canvas of life I had set out to paint,
A cruel joke seemingly but actually perfect,
Emptiness, darkness, black, epitomises me, my life.
A victim of my own choices and lies,
Strangled by my own thoughts,
An endless wait, endless dreams, endless expectations,
What wrong did I do to be wronged?
Forced by life to dance to its music,
Didn't learn, so am here, nothing more than a puppet,
Today tempts me to think I had learned.
The strings controlling me lie,
In a place far away where my sight fails me,
After all, who is god, not me?
A sole friend of my sadness, I am.
Each day, I sleep hoping the sleep would be death,
But still wake up to the same dark sheet of despair.
How wrong I have always been, always,
From seeing the world being behind my eyes,
To dreaming the promise that was never made ...meant.
Should I drown in the depths of hollowness?
Or swim in the emptiness of the void,
To know myself, or stare into infinity?
I am the horizon praying to the zenith.
My dark, nebulous dreams hide an epiphany,
They have chased me for long,
I am lost, entangled, tired of running around in vain.
And even these songs, the undertones of melancholy,
Immerse me in them as if I was one of them.
They contain an inexplicable darkness,
And an opportunity to experience black,
Which scares me, makes me step back everyday.
Why does all this never end?
When everything else that should not, does.
The rivers of dreams keep flowing,
Till the stone-hearted mountain of reality,
Callously asks it to change its course,
And flow to a place where it can rhyme with the rhymes,
Composed by its destiny,
But the dreams never die, ultimately they come true,
In the sea , where all dreams merge,
Inspite of all the tumult underneath the sea swallows everyday.
Does anybody look through the blood stained reality?
All except the water on the top drowns in itself,
The same way the flames burn themselves,
While incinerating those who disagree with them,
It's just that numbness is a subconscious habit.
Here, all the past is nothing but a shadowed vista,
The past, the meandering river, where the tales of happiness,
Rather than those of adversities,
Were burnt in the cavalier shades of the sun.
It amazes me, how the past is nothing but a road of memories,
Interspersed with remnants of shattered dreams,
Broken relationships, faded friendships,
Leading to the present, but impossible it is,
To disentangle the intricate design of life,
To find the reasons behind everything.
And on walking through the red walls of my heart,
I see the memories weeping blood in a corner,
Dying out eventually,waiting to be revered.
And on treading through my mind,
I witness the eternal fight between memories and future,
Where one always chooses happiness over reeking wounds.
Why can't blind eyes not see, but cry?
As life keeps on walking and tries to remove the veil,
That conceals the answers to everything,
One only drowns never to come to the top again,
Until a hand reaches out for us,
The hand that some keep looking for in the eternal darkness,
The hand that only reaches out to a few fortunate,
Never to leave the amalgam of dreams and promises ever again.
Though loneliness is what I have always yearned for,
But still a part of me cries out ...
Seeking for your hand , which can, maybe will,
Save me from my dark world,
You will always be with me, if only, in my dreams, but forever...
Though, my footprints, which I had engraved
On your sand, will be veiled by indifference with time.
I cannot fathom, why you make me feel invincible,
I know that loneliness does ,hardships, defeats do,
Maybe you are one....
You were my everything, you were my prayer,
But now, reasons all lost... words all lost...
I have always fallen, but only to fall again,
No friends I needed, I never did,
Alone I wanted to live, alone I did,
And I just wish, I always keep walking, flowing,
And wait to see if I meet my sea...
PS - This poem gave this blog its name. As the title suggests, it included everything that I had said to my dearest friends and the things that I hadn't. It took me a long time to write it, around 4 months.