FIRST LOVE

It was what a Heaven must be.
But why did my dad have to wake me up from the heaven I was in.

Anyway, he didn't know that I was having a dream which I would like to have everyday for the rest of my life. Though I couldn't have her, but still I could have lived with that dream forever. It was bliss while I was sleeping but after I woke up, it was nothing but a thorn of pain. I forgot it after a couple of hours but it occupied my mind big time during those two hours.

That's how it happens. Initially, she used to come in my dreams almost every night and give me the time which I didn't get from her during the day. But then as the truth kept getting clearer and time passed, the frequency lowered gradually. From every night, it declined to once in every 3-4 days, then weekly and finally around once in a month. Since then, she comes to see me only once in months but that single dream is enough to bring back all the memories and lift me from the present to the past.

There was a time when I thought that a day will come when I will sit somewhere alone with her and tell her all the times she showered flowers in my dreams. But, that day was just not meant to come, that's what I explained to myself. And today, I don't even remember all the dreams as vividly as I used to. They have faded with time in my heart and I have lost them forever.

But I do remember some of them, and will always do for the simple reason that those dreams are the best moments of my life. Even though they might have come when I was sleeping, still they gave me the same feeling they would have had they been real. Anyway, in a dream, its difficult to make out if its real or just a figment of imagination. I have not had better moments in my actual life than the ones that I have shared with her in my dreams.

Sometimes just when I think that I am over her completely, she comes and revives it all over again. But, thankfully now I can say that I am over her and am not as depressed as I used to be.

You never actually get over your first love but you find a bigger love which takes the place of your first love. Although some people never get over their first love(very rare though), and I would wish luck to them.

For the past some time, I have been thinking and I have concluded that first loves are not meant to be fulfilled. Tell me, how many of us actually end up being with our first loves. I dont know of anyone who has had such a great luck.

First loves are actually to show people that there exists such a beautiful world out there and that the world is not all about being cynic or the constant dark news we keep on hearing everyday. Its love that shows them the door to a world of ecstasy, far away from this world. It shows them there is someone whom you care deeply about, there is someone who you long to see each day and spend as much time with them as possible. And you know nothing but sheer delight for the short moment for which it exists and in hindsight, it looks as if we just couldn't get enough.

I know what I am writing and would like all those who read it to think. No one ends up being with their first loves. We should accept this fact as soon as we can and not keep hanging to the thoughts.

Acceptance is a great thing. Some say that they cant get over but deep down, they dont want to. They want to hold on the feelings and the thoughts. Even if they say they are serious, thats momentary and based on indifference.

I dont know how to end this post, so am quoting from one of Atif's songs - Yakeen.

"Aaj dil dukha hai, tum yaad aaye,
Anjane log hain, apne kahan dhoond paye.
....
Ab agar tum mile to, itna yakeen hai,
Has denge hum to, rona nahin hai."

Comments

  1. i cant put my thoughts to words, but u have done it for me. And in my case the dreams completely stopped,when just the week before i had one, although not the best one, but still...

    And ya"main to has deta hoon", literally.

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  2. Glad that I put your thoughts to paper. Even I had it the last week, thats why I penned it down and it helped me. I always thought that I would speak this to her, but ending up writing and whoever wants to read it can read it. Thats the way it is.

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  3. "You never actually get over your first love but you find a bigger love which takes the place of your first love"_ Rightly said brother

    "First loves are actually to show people that there exists such a beautiful world out there and that the world is not all about being cynic or the constant dark news we keep on hearing everyday."- Some really big and remarkable words.

    "There was a time when I thought that a day will come when I will sit somewhere alone with her and tell her all the times she showered flowers in my dreams.But, that day was just not meant to come, that's what I explained to myself."- I think you should have given it a shot, it would have been worth it and you would have find out her real feelings too..

    Waise chinta mat kar, tu padai par dhyan de use hum ghar se utha layenge :p

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  4. Thanks a lot, brother. I am really happy you read it so carefully :D.
    Well, I gave it a shot, since you ask but it wasn't meant to be. And anyway, these are things of the past. I have moved forward definitely. But I had to let go of this stuff, and I couldn't say it to her, so I decided to let go by penning it down.
    And thanks for "utha layenge" part, will call you up the next time surely. :P

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  5. touche,deep emotions very subtly translated into words,but i dont agree with the acceptance part,you should never accept that you cant have your first love,some lucky bastards get it too:P,the thing is evry love that you try for is the same,there is nothing as first or second
    nice words again :)

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  6. LIKE :)
    "My first love, broke my heart for the first time" -Justin Beiber
    well u seem well groomed by ur writings...gr8 goin bro!!

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  7. sometimes commenting on your post is tough...
    Cos u leave me speechless!!

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  8. :) I want to help people get over and let go, which you might have understood till now. Do you agree with the second half of this post?

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  9. I absolutely do... Even I haven't seen anyone who is still with their first love. I am not either... First love is your step towards experiencing something absolutely divine & that is its purpose only...

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  10. Experiences are the best teachers...

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  11. I have always believed that I am more fortunate than most people around, God has been biased, he has given all the good things to me :) your blog gives me more reasons to think the same .To love and be loved back is the greatest pleasure of human life, I wonder if it’s the only pleasure, and love is one thing I have had at all stages of my life .
    Fantastic work, as always is the case with you :) looking forward to more :)

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  12. "she used to come in my dreams almost every night and give me the time which I didn't get from her during the day"
    "I have not had better moments in my actual life than the ones that I have shared with her in my dreams."

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